Lovesick Stargazer by Colin Archdeacon

Love is psychedelic it can turn you on. Wake up in the morning and you’ve found your flower is gone.
Somebody said givers need to setup boundaries because takers never do. And New York is a city of takers, that’s for sure.

People have been going to astrologists for centuries. Everybody’s got at least one brick wall, they hit it, they hit again and again – they can’t seem to get past it. So I point out their brick wall and I tell them how to get around it.
You’re feeling a bit pressured right now because Saturn is at the very top. Ok? Saturn is a bitch that needs to be dick-slapped into submission. That’s what I tell myself everyday.

So I’m able to get people to relax by making them laugh. And then you can tell people anything about themselves as long as they’re open.

The difficult planets are in cardinal signs and you have a lot of cardinal in your chart so that means you could be feeling a little bit of inner conflict. So basically you’re making important decisions that will affect you for years to come.
I’ve always wanted to help people. Ok? When I was a little kid I always wanted to be a nun. Then I got boobs and it was over. Forget it – haha -no being a nun.

Memories, like the corners of my bra!

I had a very repressive childhood I suppose so I just exploded on the New York scene. Yeah I just wanted to live! Fuck I just wanted to live, God damn it I wanted to live. And I just got up on stage and expressed myself and I didn’t give a fuck if people liked it if they didn’t like it.

I would like to fall in love again. It would be so fun. I want to have fun. See, I think of all the awful things that will happen. That’s why I don’t fall in love again. I just fast-forward to the divorce. Is that fucked up?
Vulnerability is the most beautiful thing that any of us have. It’s the core, the essence of all of us. I think that everyone should be as open as I like to feel everyday. How do I deal with my own vulnerability? I hide it. It’s something that has to be earned – self-preservation I suppose.

The most basic human desire is to be understood by others. Some people walk in my door and within a few minute start crying. Could be a death in the family, it could be an existentialist crisis, it could be anything. But I let them know that I understand what they’re going through.

Angel Eyedealism is the top astrologer in New York City according to both Google and Yelp. Business may be booming but trust her, success hasn’t come easy. Behind the gaudy makeup and plunging necklines is a street-smart performance artist with enough heartbreak and tragedy in her past to make a gangster blush.

Angel was raised in small-town Ohio with conservative parents and a gaggle of sisters. A life-threatening illness brought her to New York as a teenager and she never looked back. Mesmerized by the explosion of art and music that defined New York’s Downtown Scene, Angel started dating punk rockers and yearning for her own share of the spotlight.

Once she got up the courage to start performing as a singer/comedian, Angel was quickly seduced by the power she felt on stage. Her unique blend of acrobatic vocals and theatrical costume design conjures the image of a strung-out Disney Princess rummaging through a post-apocalyptic fairyland. The underground took notice, and before long Angel was sharing stages with GG Allen and going to after-parties with Thurston Moore.

As her talent matured so did Angel’s appetite for travel. She’s taken her act all over Europe and is proud to have lived in both Berlin and Budapest. But the nightlife takes its toll, and Angel eventually grew weary of the phony glamour of the disco ball.
After finally settling down in New York, Angel was flipping through TV channels one day when she saw a commercial for astrology classes taught by Bob Marks. Intrigued by Bob’s soothing demeanor, she called the number on the screen and arranged a meeting. You can guess the rest.